Cup of Coffee
by Thirteen94
Summary: "I don't love you" The words come out so quickly it takes a moment for me to register what you said, the silence in Granny's becomes deafening.


(A/N) Set during season 1 pre curse break, completely from Emma's point of view. Set to the song "Cup of Coffee" by Garbage.

"I don't love you"  
The words come out so quickly it takes a moment for me to register what you said, the silence in Granny's becomes deafening. I look up into your eyes. I can see that you're lying. I know you are.  
But that didn't stop the feeling of my heart dropping, smashing.  
You leave before I can reply, your coffee left untouched. My hands tighten around the ceramic.  
My brain shuts down, I scream your name. I can still see you walking towards your Mercedes.  
You stop briefly, but you don't turn around. You just keep on walking.  
I'm still screaming your name, I throw my coffee across the room, the smash ringing through my ears.  
It crosses my mind for a moment how thankful I am that the diner is empty.  
I feel arms wrap tightly around my body, stopping me from running after you.  
Hot tears falling from my eyes.  
I sink to the ground, bringing the person holding me down. It's Ruby, whispering reassuring words into my ear, but it doesn't help.  
You feel like you're a million miles away.

Ruby stayed with me until my tears stopped falling. I feel like I'm fading away, this was love. True love. I know it.

It's been a week. I'm walking the streets more and more, just hoping to see you. You ignore my calls, you won't let me see you. Henry refuses to speak about it when he stops by.  
I see your car around when I'm patrolling. It takes everything for me to not confront you, demand an explanation. But the words don't form. It's like I don't exist.

Your bedroom light is on. I stop outside your house, you're awake I know it. I keep on walking. For both our sakes. You need space, clearly.  
I'm obsessed with you. I ask Mary Margret every day when she comes home from walk how you looked. She just purses her lips and says that you seem fine. Good for you.  
Ruby doesn't buy it though. She said you seemed colder than usual, she said your eyes looked hazy, as though you cry a lot.  
I cry a lot too.  
I should have seen this coming, nothing ever works out right for me.  
This is how it always ends, with heartbreak.

It was a badly kept secret that you smoked, Henry wasn't aware of it but I knew, when the stress of work became too much, you would hide at the back of town hall, or when you woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares, you'd leave me in your bed and drive out to the toll bridge and sit on the hood of your car smoking a pack of malboro lights.  
I sit here most nights doing what you kept a secret, hoping that we'll cross paths. Your light is always on.  
I caught a glimpse of you leaving the diner today, I could see the bags under your eyes.  
I still don't understand why you said it. It's clear you were lying to me.  
Mary Margret sighs every time my phone rings, I leap to find it and then find myself fighting back the tears when it isn't you calling.

I hardly leave my room now. Ruby is working part time at the station. She calls me if anything serious happens. I sleep all day, dreaming of you, you're beautiful brown eyes haunt me constantly.  
As I knock back my fifth shot of tequila I wish I was never born. Ruby accompanies me to the toll bridge to smoke those malboros that night. Did you know she was a social smoker? I didn't, the silent company is welcome though. But she isn't you. She doesn't want me like you wanted me. She's afraid.  
Much like Mary Margret and Henry. They keep telling me how thin I'm looking.

It's been nearly a month. I found one of your shirts today. It was the one that Henry gave me all those weeks ago. I lie on my bed holding it in my hands breathing in your scent.  
It smells of apples.  
I've stopped answering Ruby's calls.  
Henry doesn't come by anymore.  
Mary Margret leaves trays of food outside my door, only to return a few hours later and sigh loudly as they remain untouched.

It's been two months. I feel strangely determined. I avoid the shocked look on Mary Margret's face as I pull on my leather jacket to visit the diner. I feel guilty for worrying my friends so much.  
I try to ignore your car as I walk towards the doors. I try to avoid the sudden silence that fills the moderately busy diner.  
I can't ignore the smell of coffee.  
All of the pain comes flying back.  
I sit at the bar and exchange pleasentries with Ruby, she seems to take the hint that I don't want to talk about the past two months.  
I can feel your eyes on the back of my head, watching my every movement.  
When I turn to leave, you're still there. You and Henry don't turn away when our eyes meet.  
I can see the pain in your eyes.  
You aren't drinking coffee.  
As I walk out of the diner and turn towards the direction of the Station I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I don't bother to check it, I know it's from you. I smile to myself for the first time since that day two months ago.  
I knew you were lying, all it took was a cup of coffee or lack thereof to prove that.


End file.
